Posted by: Gary Johnson | October 28, 2010

Baby Mama Drama

Dear Snooky:

My husband and I have been married for a year and his ex-wife/BM (Baby Momma) has been making our life hell.  It’s the usual BM antics; using the kids as pawns, being difficult with visitation time and all the BS that goes into “Parental Alienation” and “Mission Destroy Step-Momma.”  I will not waste your time with the details as I am sure you have heard them all before.  The relationship between my husband and his ex-wife has gotten so bad the courts had to intervene and arrange a visitation schedule for my husband.  Now,  anytime we arrange to pick up  the kids, if I am involved with the outings, it’s NO.  When it’s his parenting time, she wants no one else around but him…and her, of course.  My husband explained to her that he is married and he refuses to exclude me every time he wants to spend time with his children.  The fact the kids love me makes her more determined to X me out during parenting time.

My husband is an excellent father and this really weighs heavily on his heart because he loves his children so much.  Over the weekend they had yet another heated argument because I was included in the plans he had with the kids.  This morning he emailed BM to let her know how he felt about all of tension between them and how it affected their children and basically he wanted to call a truce.  What bothered me was he told her that he would respect her wishes and not include me when they meet up for pick up/drop offs or when she brings them to the fun places we usually go with the children (she is not allowed at our house and vice versa).  I’m truly upset about this because not only do I love spending time with them, but I feel he is allowing her to over step her boundaries.  I would never allow my child’s father to dictate the participation my husband has with my child.

Am I valid in the way I feel?  Would you ever exclude your wife when it came to spending time with your kids?  I’m not expecting to be involved 100% every time because I believe they do need one on one time with him, but come on!  Enough is enough.  This woman feels she is owed the world and can control him because she gave birth to his children!  I am so out done….what are your thoughts?

Signed,

Out Done!

Dear Out Done:

This may be above my pay grade, but I must tell you, you’re feelings are spot on.  Hubby is making a big mistake and is setting a precedent that he will live to regret.  This is not good.  You are his wife and you have value to add to the lives of those children.  The wife and your husband need to make decisions that are in the best interest of those children.  He may be a great father, but I feel, he made a huge mistake.  Talk to him (if he’ll listen).  Cutting you out of the picture, is taking something away from the kids, weakening his position as a man and feeding the interest of his dysfunctional and selfish baby’s mama.

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Responses

  1. It seems like you have all the good answers for peoples problems, heres my dilemma….I was with this young man for almosy 2years, I loved him more than anybody in the world and I thought he did 2, He had his share of problems he has heart problems and at a point of time he was homeless and he cldnt get a job and he lost his whole wardrobe, becuz i loved him so much i worked hard 2 get an apartment 4 us so he can not have 2 sneak in my house anymore i bought him a whole wardrobe and if he needed sumthin i had him, he kept thinkin i was cheatin on him cuz guys wld text my phone n hen i found out he was cheatin on me wit dis 16yr old girl (he 20 am 19)at first he was tellin me dats his lil sister, then a good friend till 2wards da end of the year we was finally thru but he kept goin wit her, while he was goin wit her he still kept comin 2 see me n stuff and now am pregnant n he still wit her and she dont do half of wat i do 4 him or been thru half of wat we been thru, he be tryin me heavy and i want to kno y wen i was pretty much da best gf he ever had???? Y wld he mess up everything like this, we made plans, he till dis day tellin me we just need time and we gonna get back together eventually( i dont think that’s true)

    **Utterely Confused**

  2. Dear Utterly Confused:

    The short answer to your question(s) is “Because he can.” He cheated on you because he can. It is wrong for sure, but when it comes to relationships some young men don’t know what they don’t know. It is also possible that he was just using you to get a place to stay and a new wardrobe. Both of you are young, but you seem a bit wiser than brother man. Now you are pregnant. Another baby being brought into a world of drama that they didn’t ask for or deserve. What do you want to do? What do you think you should do? Make yourself and the baby the priority. If dude comes around great, but if he doesn’t, you need a plan to take care of you and the baby.

    Hope this helps.

    • ya it helped, still people need to realize they cant treat any and everybody in a bad way especially da person who got yo back more then anyone, so y he claimin he so in love wit her but be cheatin on her still?, JUST DONT MAKE ANY SENSE, y boys gotta be so difficult?


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