Baby Mama Drama

Dear Snooky:

My husband and I have been married for a year and his ex-wife/BM (Baby Momma) has been making our life hell.  It’s the usual BM antics; using the kids as pawns, being difficult with visitation time and all the BS that goes into “Parental Alienation” and “Mission Destroy Step-Momma.”  I will not waste your time with the details as I am sure you have heard them all before.  The relationship between my husband and his ex-wife has gotten so bad the courts had to intervene and arrange a visitation schedule for my husband.  Now,  anytime we arrange to pick up  the kids, if I am involved with the outings, it’s NO.  When it’s his parenting time, she wants no one else around but him…and her, of course.  My husband explained to her that he is married and he refuses to exclude me every time he wants to spend time with his children.  The fact the kids love me makes her more determined to X me out during parenting time.

My husband is an excellent father and this really weighs heavily on his heart because he loves his children so much.  Over the weekend they had yet another heated argument because I was included in the plans he had with the kids.  This morning he emailed BM to let her know how he felt about all of tension between them and how it affected their children and basically he wanted to call a truce.  What bothered me was he told her that he would respect her wishes and not include me when they meet up for pick up/drop offs or when she brings them to the fun places we usually go with the children (she is not allowed at our house and vice versa).  I’m truly upset about this because not only do I love spending time with them, but I feel he is allowing her to over step her boundaries.  I would never allow my child’s father to dictate the participation my husband has with my child.

Am I valid in the way I feel?  Would you ever exclude your wife when it came to spending time with your kids?  I’m not expecting to be involved 100% every time because I believe they do need one on one time with him, but come on!  Enough is enough.  This woman feels she is owed the world and can control him because she gave birth to his children!  I am so out done….what are your thoughts?

Signed,

Out Done!

Dear Out Done:

This may be above my pay grade, but I must tell you, you’re feelings are spot on.  Hubby is making a big mistake and is setting a precedent that he will live to regret.  This is not good.  You are his wife and you have value to add to the lives of those children.  The wife and your husband need to make decisions that are in the best interest of those children.  He may be a great father, but I feel, he made a huge mistake.  Talk to him (if he’ll listen).  Cutting you out of the picture, is taking something away from the kids, weakening his position as a man and feeding the interest of his dysfunctional and selfish baby’s mama.